Gotcha Day #2

Can you believe Kaden has been home for 2 years already?  I'll never forget that monumental day 2 years ago.  I was so excited and nervous about meeting my baby boy for the first time.  I could have never imagined the joy and happiness that lay ahead for me!

We had a great time celebrating with Kaden.  We took him to the zoo and then let him choose where we ate lunch.  Of course, he chose McDonald's!  Then we did some shopping and met my parents for dinner.  Kaden got presents and got to eat pizza.  I think he'd agree it was a great day!

We also told Kaden his Gotcha Day story.  He grinned ear to ear as we told him how excited we were to meet him and how it was the best day of our lives.  He is very proud of his story and I hope he always will be.  We love you sweet boy!

Here's some pictures of our special day:

From the mouths of babes......

Today Kaden and I cleaned up his play room.  It was so cluttered, no "playing" could actually occur because there was no floor space!  Anyway, once it was cleaned up he was delighted to realize he could now use his Sit 'N Spin because he had plenty of room. 

He was spinning along, having a great 'ole time, and then asked me if I'd like to try it.  I told him it was very nice of him to offer but that my booty was too big.  He got up, came over to me, and said, "Let me see."  He then stared at my rear for awhile and exclaimed, "Yep.  It's big alright!"

What's in a nickname?

I'm not even sure how it happened, but when Ryan and I started dating, we began to refer to each other as Funny Bunny (me) and Silly Goose (him).  When Kaden came home, we called him many different nicknames.  He was Wiggle Worm, Cranky Pants, Smiley Boy, Pumpkin Head, and many others. Nothing seemed to "stick" until we came across Buddy Bear.  Now he'll even tell you that he's Buddy Bear!

So, all of our nicknames are animals.  The other day, we were trying our hardest to come up with a nickname for our next child.  We couldn't seem to come up with anything, at least not animal related.  But today, the inspiration came!  Ryan said, "You'd better write the story of how this name came about now before you forget it."  So here I am, blogging the story.

Kaden and Ryan were playing a game.  Kaden would cover himself up in his blanket and then Ryan would say, "I wonder what's under that blanket?  Is it a cow?"  Kaden would respond by making the sound of the animal just mentioned.  Then Ryan would run through a list of types of that animal.  "Is it a Jersey cow?  Is it an Angus?  No! (he lifts the blanket) It's a Kaden cow!"  Then they'd both giggled and the game would begin again.

Well, as Ryan was listing different types of sheep, he said, "Is it a little lamb?"  For some reason, that just struck me!  It was like a light bulb came on over my head.  Little lamb!  That's it!  That's our little girl's nickname.

So, Little Lamb, Mommy, Daddy, & Brother are excited to be starting the journey to you!

It's Official!

I submitted our online application with Holt International this morning. They will send us an adoption agreement that must be signed and notarized and then we should recieve our approval and homestudy packet! My goal is to have our homestudy completed and sent to Korea by the end of the year. Then we will officially apply with the Waiting Child program to request a girl. After that, it's anybody's guess. We could get a referral within a few weeks, or it could take over a year. But, hopefully by the end of 2009 we will have a daughter!

Kaden's 2 year-old pictures

Although they're 3 months late, we finally got around to having Kaden's 2-year-old portraits taken. We tried JC Penney's this time around because Portrait Innovations is closed on Mondays and we were trying to fit a photo shoot in with a doctor's appointment, so the day wasn't movable.

At PI, they taken about 60 photos for you to choose from. JCP only took a total of 17! But, all 17 turned out really great. Kaden was a perfect angel for the session. The photographer said she was the best 2-year-old she'd ever had. He followed every single one of her directions and even posed himself for several shots!

But, unlike PI, JCP is not very affordable. So, I was only able to get the advertised portrait package and could only choose one photo. Since I was going for "look who's 2", I chose the best one of him with the present and #2 cake. I really liked the one of him with his elbow on his knee too. It was so hard to decide.

Another disappointing thing about JCP is that the online viewing for the pictures is very, very small. It's really hard to see the pictures and you can't enlarge them at all. Plus, you have to enter your full name to get into the site. That's not exactly something I want to post here on the internet for the world to see. So, rather than giving you the link to the site, I have created a collage out of my favorites of the 17 poses. Sorry they are so small!

In regards to my last post, nothing definitive has been decided. I'm just holding on for now. After Ryan is full-time at the telephone company and we've had a chance to figure out the new insurance, we will re-evaluate. I have another appointment with the doctor on Nov. 9. Hopefully she can answer a lot of my questions about the hysterectomy at that time. I'm also hoping that the new insurance will cover a visit to a endometriosis specialist in Nebraska. I guess only time will tell.

Major Life Changes Ahead

I am 32. At least, I think I am. Anymore, it's hard to tell. I feel like an old, old woman. I have some major decisions to make that I don't think anyone at my age should have to face.

What am I talking about? The big "H" word. Hysterectomy. My endometriosis has been getting very, very bad again. I had laproscopic surgery 4 years ago and the pain subsided for awhile. The doctor is now tellingme that doing another lap would be a waste of money, my time, and her time. So, here are my options:

• Do Nothing. Keep living with the pain for now. Revisit options 2 & 3 at a later date.
• Take Lupron. This is a highly controversial drug that would throw me into early menopause. While it would help the pain, it has many negative side effects and is still just a temporary fix.
• Hysterectomy. This would stop the endometriosis and could possibly help the IC as well. But, I would have to take measures to prevent premature aging, loss of bone density, and to maintain hormonal balance. There's also a higher risk of cancer and heart disease and if I do take HRT, the endo on my intestines will still grow. Plus, it takes away any hope of ever having a biological child. I don't really have any false hopes of ever conceiving, but it is a loss I'll have to grieve.

After doing a lot of research on Lupron and talking to people who have taken it, I think I would honestly just rather do the hyst and get it over with. So then the biggest issue is timing. If I were to have it done now, before October 1, the surgery would be free. We've already met our deductible for this year because of Ryan's broken hand. But, the timing is bad. I am teaching a class and would not be able to miss several weeks in a row. Ryan will be in harvest in September and then he starts a new job. Mom is saving her days off for when my sister's baby is born. So while we could probably find people to care for Kaden, who would take care of me? Or, should I wait and keep muddling through until I'm 40 and then not worry about HRT?

I am overwhelmed by this all and would really appreciate prayer. I want to have God's peace and a clear sense of discernment regarding this decision. I want to be sure that whatever course I choose, I will have no regrets and will be able to see that God's hand led me to that decision. Right now, everything is very unclear. I feel as though I am in a dark, locked room and am groping for the light switch.

On Friday, Ryan and I will have been married 10 years. Can you believe it? When I look back on my wedding day, I realize that I could have never imagined the road that life would take us on. As a idealistic bride, it never occurred to me that I wouldn't be able to have a baby or that I would be facing a huge life changing decision like this one at age 32. I am very glad that infertility led us to Kaden, but the medical side of it has become more than I can bear.

So, please pray, pray, pray!

Exciting News!

I've lost 10 lbs.!!!! Yeah!!!! My pants are literally starting to fall off of me and I couldn't be happier. I just started this diet, actually more of a lifestyle change, just 3 weeks ago. Seeing the change in how my clothing fits has definitely motivated me to keep it up. I know that the first 10 lbs. are always the easiest to lose and then it gets harder from there. I'd ideally like to lose another 20, so I've got a ways to go.